Money Quote of the Day

I am amused by everyone's pain but my own. I am French!

~ Le Frog from Flushed Away

R.I.P. Forth & Towne

Gap has pulled the plug on it's 40-something women's clothing line citing lack of brand traction, and a need to focus their business. This means y'all better get ready for yet another return to khakis.

It was a good store, it was my favorite store. I'll never shop again. Sigh...

More Oscar commentary

Meryl Streep - what was she wearing around her neck? A door knocker, a medieval heraldic device?

Jack Nicholson - Mr. ever cool is bald?!

Naomi Watts - cutest little pregnant lady you've ever seen. Empire waisted as I had expected. Looked a lot like Cate Blanchett's dress from a couple of years ago. I wonder was she disappointed no one mentioned her bun in the oven?

Nicole Kidman - two words: Malibu Barbie. She looked like a wind up doll with that big red bow on her dress.

Ryan Gosling - best put down of a red carpet interviewer all night. Good for you Ryan!

Portia de Rossi - eat honey, eat!

Gwyneth Paltrow - back in the pink and this one is much more flattering than that bubble gum nightmare she won her award in lo those many years ago.

I'd like to thank the Academy

A quick Oscar recap:

Best dress - Cate Blanchett

Worst dress - Kirsten Dunst, Penelope Cruz a close second (was it molting?)

Best hair - Reese Witherspoon (her extensions were perfection)

MIA - Halle Berry, where was she?

My favorite award of the evening - Best documentary: An Inconvenient Truth

Coming to a theatre near you

The Metropolitan Opera. I had the pleasure yesterday of watching a live performance of Eugene Onegin from Lincoln Center. Using satellite link ups, the Met has begun broadcasting certain operas into movie theatres across the country. I say hurray.

The digital sound technology was amazing. I actually felt as if I were there. The camera follows the singers so closely you almost want to squint because you feel as if you're face to face with them.

We did have one technical glitch. A 4 minute signal loss which was annoying, but not unexpected.

Smells like teen spirit?

I opened up my Glamour magazine today and discovered that David Beckham is now a fragrance. Yup, Instinct, and it's available at Kohl's near you. I'm wondering, does it smell of sweat and soccer pitch?

Halla back girl

Socialitelife.com has announced that Jude Law has a new girlfriend, Halla Vilhalmsdottir. Check her out, she's like the anti-Sienna...

Maid to order

Well I was going to blog about Britney Spear's exploits again, but watching her check out of rehab a second time in a week is just too sad. Even for me.

Instead I was shopping online, and found that our good friends at Anthropologie have now made it very easy to dress like a French Maid. Perhaps this could take the fatigue de vivre from Britney's life. Vous allez apprécier!

Find your inner princess

and pass it on to someone who really needs your help. The Princess Project is in full swing again. The idea is simple -- take your unworn gowns and accessories, and donate them. The Princess project will match them with young girls who couldn't otherwise afford them.

What could be better than watching a young girls face light up when she sees last year's holiday dress, and knows that it's perfect for her? So make someone's night extra special and get involved.

Spring cleaning

It's time again people to clean our closets and get ready for Spring. Here are my own personal hints on what to keep, what to throw and where to invest.

What to trash:

- ballet flats - I'm bored by this trend and being 5' nothing hate anything without a heel
- wedge heels - again uber trendy and done to death
- metallic anything - wrong, wrong, wrong. If Paris sports it, it's not for me

What to keep:

- tunics - always fabulous at the beach if not in daily wear
- scarves - I'm loving them in my longer hair
- wide belts - still finding them attractive especially with pencil skirts. Tres sexy

Where to invest:

- a really classic watch - think Cartier (if you're a billionaire) or Movado for us mere mortals
- a Gucci tote with scarf tie - so preppy, yet c'est chic
- one really nice piece of lucite jewelery - the it accessory for Spring

Had a little family urgency

Sorry I've been away a few days. My beloved Fashion Guy injured his eye. Fortunately he's on the mend. I promise I will be back and posting again soon.

Until then...

Fashion Girl

What the?!

I just don't get it. I really don't. Britney Spears was photographed over the weekend at a club wear a bikini and a bus boys jacket. She was also hanging out with strippers and dirty dancing with chicks. Now I would have thought this tidbit was brought to me by the National Enquirer, but these photos are everywhere. It's like Anna Nicole Smiths spirit just moved right on in to Brit's body.

Get your shit together girl and take it on home, you're somebodies' mother!

There is no dignity in death

Anna Nicole Smith, ubiquitous news item of the past week, had little dignity in life, and even less in death. Baby daddies are coming out of the woodwork to claim credit for doing the deed that produced her daughter Dannilynn. Videos are appearing on the web of paramedics trying to resuscitate her at the Hard Rock Hotel. People are even photographing and publishing the contents of her refrigerator. And as a final indignity the CEO of Trim Spa is talking as if ANS has violated her contract with them by buying SlimFast. Dude, she's DEAD. D*E*A*D. Do you really want to be the guy on national television flogging a corpse? Let it GO!

Tyra Banks is a Monet

From a distance she looks okay, but up close she's a mess! The spider eyelashes, the peekaboo bra, the lace bodysuit. And a kimono to top it all off. I'm wondering if girlfriend got dressed in the dark.

A tale of two hotties

Recently both Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore broke up with their long term loves. I'm surprised by how differently each has survived their public break up, and thought we should do a side-by-side comparison:

Drew

- loses Fabrizio Moretti to Kirsten Dunst
- looks gorgeous at premieres
- refuses to discuss her love life
- does hilarious SNL skit
- flies to London for new movie premiere
- intervenes when Cam goes ballistic

Cameron

- loses Justin Timberlake to Scarlett Johansson
- wears questionable red carpet attire
- is overheard praising her new guys "9" breadstick"
- flies to Hawaii to hang 10 with Kelly Slater
- just hangs around at the SNL after party
- loses her shit on Justin at Prince's after party


I think we know who the real angel is here people. I'm just saying I'm definitely Team Drew!

I've always said a monkey could do my job

Now I'm sure. This domestically disabled diva wrote a hilarious post online today. It's the tale of Judy, chimpanzee escape artist, and housekeeper extraordinaire. Seems Judy is the Martha Stewart of the primate world. She not only escaped her cage, she then rummaged around the kitchen, and raided the fridge and all of the cupboards. Afterwards Judy went into the bathroom and proceeded to clean the toilet. Then she returned to the kitchen and scrubbed down the refrigerator with a sponge. All of this before the zookeepers shot her with a tranq dart and put her to sleep on top of said refrigerator clutching a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread.

All I can say, it what to do I have to do to get anesthetized during my household chores?

Anna Nicole is dead

Are you surprised? I wasn't. This woman lived arguably the most bizzare life ever. Playboy centerfold, Guess jeans model, billionaire octagarian's wife, Trim Spa spokeswoman, Bahamian refugee, and finally corpse. What I can't quite figure out is if her 5 month old daughter, (she of the dubious paternity), stands to inherit the potentially $400 million dollar settlement her mother stood to win as judgement from her suit against said billionaire's greedy kids. Does the judgement die with her?

I'd love to hear what you all think.

Fashion Weak...

I've been watching New York Fashion Week unfold this year with less than my normal interest. Is it the clothes? They're kind of dull. The palette is beyond muted: tan, black, grey and white with the odd splash of red. There's lots of volume, poufed sleeves and bubble skirts. And, the return of the mini-dress. Thanks a lot Factory Girl!

I'm just oddly unimpressed by the shows this year. Apparently I'm not alone. Robin Givhan, style reporter for the Washington Post, wrote a brilliant piece titled The Emperor's New Clothes. Seriously. She has put her finger on something here. No matter how bizarre the clothes coming down the runway become, fashion editors just yawn. Alexander Herchcovitch showed a woman in what appeared to be a black Hefty garbage bag. You know the look, "I was caught in the rain at Disneyland". The audience reacted with polite smiles and gentle applause. Applause?! For a garbage bag? How did they ever get so disconnected? No one in their right mind is ever going to wear that shit!

All I can say is if this is the best they have to offer, thank God for Isaac Mizrahi for Target.

Apparently terrorists are responsible

for the bomb that was Glitter. Yes, it's true. Mariah Carey is blaming her flame out on Al-Qaeda. Jossip.com had the scoop on this little gold nugget. I just love it when a celebretard can't even admit their own mistakes. Look out Mimi, you're about to become the next Paris!

I try to avoid it. Actually, I don’t mind it. There are moments that make me laugh, and I don’t care.... Glitter was such a bomb, but no one ever pointed out that it came out around September 11, 2001.

--Mariah Carey, explaining why those damn terrorists (and not horrible acting and a campy script) were to blame for the failure that was Glitter.

Paris exposed?

A judge has issued an injunction shutting down our favorite website Parisexposed.com. Some enterprising individual(s) who purchased a storage locker full of Paris Hilton's stuff posted the most incriminating and scurrilous items online for our paid reading pleasure.

Exposing Paris Hilton? Like we all didn't know she (a) had herpes; (b) did a lot of cocaine, and (c) is a skanky ho? Paris is the most over exposed celebrity to appear in my lifetime. And let's face it, she loves the attention. Maybe it's all bad press right now, but it's still press. She plays to the cameras even in disgrace.

I find myself wondering with the stable of lawyers the Hilton family must maintain, how did this ever get into the public forum? Perhaps, as with One Night in Paris, they sold it themselves.

I too am guilty of watching that 20 minute tape of Paris on Joe Francis' yacht, and all I can say is...if this is her life I'm amazed she hasn't died of boredom.

San Francisco ballet

I had the opportunity this weekend to see a matinee performance at the San Francisco Ballet. The tickets were a Christmas gift from my mother-in-law, and I can't thank her enough. I saw Blue Rose/The Dance House/Firebird, and all three performances were wonderful. I had no idea that San Francisco had such talented dancers. I'd seen my first ballet in New York City and figured that would be hard to top. I was wrong. San Francisco has a young, vibrant, world class company.

The first number was a mixture of rag time tunes staged for 3 pairs of dancers. As the piano and violin played the dancers came and went in different combinations in a simple white spot on the stage. It grew and shrunk to accommodate their numbers. The staging was simple and elegant. All focus went to the dancing which I found very sensual.

The second number was The Dance House. A tribute to a principal dancer who died of AIDS. It appeared to me to be the human bloodstream. Several women at a blood red ballet barre doing the various positions suggestive of the beats of a human heart. Catalysts representing the disease come in and soon the "blood" becomes contaminated and the body starts to weaken. The dance is set to music by Shostakovich which gives it a haunted quality.

The last was the Firebird. I had seen a performance of the Firebird Suite by the San Francisco Symphony a couple of years ago. Adding the dancing made so much more sense of the music for me. I hadn't realized that Stravinsky wrote the piece for the Ballet Russes, and not for symphonic performance. They used the original choreography from Diaghilev's Ballet Russes. It was lovely and fascinating all at the same time. The ogres surrounding the wizard created shifting shapes, a rock, a nest, a pallet on which to carry him. I was fascinated by the human origami required to make and break those shapes. The firebird herself was an extremely tall and graceful woman. Her movements felt more feline to me than birdlike, but she added a little shimmy to her dancing that made it all her own.

I'm definitely hoping to go back and see Sleeping Beauty in March!

Perbacco

Had dinner out last night at posh new boite Perbacco. Located in San Francisco's financial district, it is a mod and surprisingly large sitdown space. Lots of white tablecloths and servers in white button down shirts. Seemed the perfect place for a splash of wine and some dinner after a long, hard week of working.

I ordered a glass of red wine and the salumi appetizer to start. Had heard great things about the house made salumi (read: salami), and it was indeed very tasty. My wine, on the other hand was bitter and sandy. Moved on to a salad of arugula and creamy garlic dressing. Delicious, but again somewhat bitter after the first few bites. My entree was papardelle with shredded short rib and chanterelle mushrooms and it tasted as good as it sounds. However, my companion's duck ravioli was, for lack of a better description, gamey. We swapped plates halfway through dinner and I couldn't get past my first bite with his.

I would definitely recommend the bar and appetizers to friends going out. Unfortunately, I won't be back for a meal.

Catch and release

More like throw back. This romantic dramedy is the story of Grey (Jennifer Garner), a crunch granola almost-bride whose fiance dies unexpectedly just before their wedding. She finds herself broke and at lose ends, so moves into his old room in a house with his 2 roommates Sam (Kevin Smith) and Dennis (Sam Jaeger). They cry, they fish, they drink too much, and some of them attempt suicide.

During this time Grey comes into contact with Fritz (Timothy Olyphant). Fritz is a lothario. She catches him at the funeral banging the caterer and decides she'll have nothing to do with him. Of course he just keeps inexplicably hanging around. Why you ask? Because he's Grey's new love interest, of course.

Fritz's purpose is revealed when Maureen (Juliette Lewis) arrives looking for a check. He's the cleaner for his best friend's messy and complicated life. Turns out Grey's man was...a millionaire and he was leading a double life. To the director this somehow shortens Grey's mourning period and prepares her for her relationship with Fritz.

Bullshit I say. While Jennifer Garner is great at emoting, (she has those 4 standard Alias faces: sad - face crumples; confused - forehead wrinkled; lips pursed; happy -dimples; and angry - eyebrows together), she's not making me believe that (a) she's mourning a dead fiance and (b) she's falling in love again. Come on people!

Here's a thought for the director. Death makes people unhappy. When they cry they shouldn't look like Demi Moore in Ghost. They should have things dripping down their face, their hair should be messed up, they should have red noses. Oh and on the relationship side, have you ever heard of a transitional man?! Grey could have hooked up with Fritz, had one hell of a ride and then moved on. I would have believed it more. As it was the leads had so little chemistry when they reach their happy ending all I felt was numb.

Timothy Olyphant is one of my favorite actors. I love him in Deadwood. This director gives him so little to do, he's seems lost in this film. Jennifer Garner struggles valiantly to carry it on her slim, toned shoulders, but there's only so much one woman can do. And that rumor the critics started that Kevin Smith "saves the film", well let me tell you I'm a huge fan, but he was just annoying in this movie.

As I said, throw this one back.

Give peace a chance

and update your handbag wardrobe for Spring at the same time. The Sak has created the Seeds of Peace collection. 100% of all proceeds from the sales of these bags will go to Seeds of Peace. This organization trains young leaders living in conflict zones to work toward peace and peaceful coexistence.

You'll be beautiful inside and out. So shop for a cause!