SAG hag?

Okay, again I didn't watch the awards show. Yawn. I was too busy darlings in Hawaii soaking up the sun. However, I do, as always, have some Red Carpet thoughts...

- Black & white was big this year (see Reese Witherspoon, Geena Davis, Sandra Oh)
- So was mauve (Teri Hatcher, Thandie Newton, Sandra Bullock)
- And purple... (Eva Longoria, Felicity Huffman, really all the desperate housewives)
- Charlize Theron has finally given up on self tanner. Good girl!
- Every actress has the same trainer, see their identical clavicles & strong yet soft arms

On to the kudos folks.

Best dress: Sandra Oh, loved the graphic black & white diagonal! You owned the Red Carpet!

Runners up: Charlize Theron working the classic black low cut gown, Marcia Cross in a beautiful deep purple color

Special mention: Shout out to Mariska Hartigay, she is the cutest mum-to-be on the planet!

"What were you thinking" award goes to: Teri Hatcher, is that a coffin liner? Geena Davis, where do I start? I loved the 80s too, but I wouldn't keep a dress from that decade, much less wear it! Kristin Chenoweth, is that a tablecloth?

To see all of them in their sartorial glory head over to www.usatoday.com, check out life section, fashion police. It's all there. Better yet, head to www.gofugyourself.com for all the weirdest ensembles.

Now just enough time to finish my glass of champagne and mull over those Oscar nominations.

Thoughts on the Golden Globes

I admit it. I couldn't bring myself to watch. Now I'm a major red carpet addict, but honestly I'm still detoxing from last year's overload of awards shows. I think nothing short of a drinking game is going to get me back in at this point. Just think of it:

- the recipient thanks their agent, everyone does a shot
- they thank their accountant, 2 shots
- bursts into spontaneous *Gwyneth Paltrow-esque* tears, chug, chug, chug!

I got my Globes this year the old fashioned way. I surfed every major website this morning to check out who was wearing what and why. I have to say the paparazzi all seem to be selling the same picture to every outlet. I saw abcnews.com, eonline.com, hello.com, instyle.com and every one of them featured the same tired picture of Teri Hatcher.

Early thoughts:

- Best dressed female: Scarlett Johannson, channeling her inner Farrah, and
the color HOT

*Honorable mention to Evangeline Lilly for her gem colored gown, you look
good girl!

- Best hair: Natalie Portman, love the new short 'do

- Best dressed male: George Clooney, yum! 'nuff said

- Worst dress: Reese Witherspoon, put that thing back in grandma's closet Reese.
Same goes for you Sarah Jessica!

- What were you thinking?: Kiera Knightley, put the curtains back up girl Scarlet!

- Best profile - Gwyneth Paltrow, cute little bump, didn't photograph well straight
on tho'. Far too Bo Peep for a yummy mummy.

- Fell out of bed & showed up - Johnny Depp & Vanesssa Paradis, what's new?

Call my publicist!

We've always thought to ourselves that movie stars should never be allowed to speak their own minds. Now people we have proof. Lindsay Lohan, Mary Kate Olsen and Scarlett Johansson are offically off the reservation. It's like they hit 19 and the truth just spills out. You've gotta love it!

MK (the incredibly shrinking twin, aka the billionaire bag lady) spent a recent W Magazine article rambling on and on about how, 'papers were hard/she really just wants to do yoga and go on auditions/and *my favorite* she likes big coats because she can run around in her pajamas an no one notices'. Freak: Party of one, freak: party of one! No wonder Ashley refused to be quoted.

Scarlett has been saying in recent interviews how she has become, "Woody's muse". I wonder how Woody Allen feels about that one. I'm sure she was simply misquoted. Maybe she meant Woody Harrelson? Personally I was more amused by her quote on dating actors:

I think it's hard for actors to date each other because they are so damn moody. You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that is strictly by phone, it is miserable. Or if you say to him/her, 'Hey, (even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy girl/boy, I love you and I'm going to be thinking of you when I am rolling around in bed with this person!

Lindsay Lolita-han is scittering away from admissions of bulemia and coke use in the recent Vanity Fair article faster than a cockroach running under a fridge. Her take on being quoted:

The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done.

Socialite's Life has the best take on what Lindsay was really trying to say. Check it out.

All I can say is even Tom Cruises' sister could do a better job than the bozos managing these nubile young stars. Maybe it's time for a career change. Hmmm?

Huh? Whaaaah?

It's true I've been asleep at the wheel blog-wise this past week. I apologize dear readers, but I just can't bring myself to care about anything that's happened:

- Lindsay Lohan did drugs, and was bulemic ~ you don't say!

- Jessica Simpson razzed by George Lozez ~ no surprise, it's like shooting
fish in a barrel folks

- Angelina is having Brad's baby ~ yawn

- Director's guild awards, SAG awards, Emmy awards ~ they hand these out like
gold stars in kindgergarten for crying out loud

- Heath Ledger spits ~ hmmmm, could have guessed this

- TomKat is insane ~ again, yawn

It seems the gossip world has just gotten too dull. No one loves a good rumor or a fashion faux pas like I do, but I must say these stars are going to have to work harder for my attention. Tabloid headlines I'd like to see:

- Tom Cruise blasted into space by Virgin Galactic, not expected to return

- Oprah Winfrey finally admits to stomach stapling weekend with Star Jones

- Nicole Richie disappears! Will Paris Hilton be next?

- Mary Kate Olsen gives up caffeine, Starbucks declares bankruptcy!

Mocha Cola?

I was reading a story on the BBC yesterday about "Futurists". They are trend spotters who can predict what's going to be hot tomorrow or as far as 20 years in the future. Dubious? I was. I can barely tell you what's going to be hot next month. They claim that up and comers are things like mirrored nail polish. Weird, but plausible. Stranger yet, they announced that Coca Cola is pursuing the coffee craze by adding coffee flavor to Coca Cola. They plan to launch it next year.

What the Hell are you people thinking?! Do you remember the new Coke debacle? The flameouts of clear beer, clear colas, Coke Zero? I know that marketing people need jobs, but I'm here to tell you Mocha-Cola is just plain wrong.

City of the Pod People

With the holidays just ending and the after Christmas sales petering out, one has to ask oneself, "What was this year's most popular gift?" X-Box 360? Cell phones? Nope, it's iPods. Not just iPods, but iTunes as well.

I was in the Apple store buying holiday goodies and I saw mountains of iPods all neatly stacked in their clever orgami boxes. It was like entering Fafnir's lair. Where was the dragon who should be guarding all of this wonderful treasure?

Now our Apple store is a candy store for adults. You can play with everything inside it's walls. People sit for hours listening to music or perusing the internet on the latest iBook/Powerbook/desktop Mac. It's a form of entertainment for us. We go to the Apple store after the movies or on a slow Saturday afternoon. Hell, the Genius Bar is practically a coffee house.

As a San Franciscan I should be used to i-Zombies by now. iPods in my city are a status symbol. We're technaholics. Must have the latest of everything. Apple made it possible to join an exclusive club simply by granting each of us a pair of iconic white earphones. It's the international symbol of affluence. It says to everyone, "I've arrived." It's better than a Gucci bag or Marc Jacobs shoes.

We walk to work or ride the bus plugged into our own little world. You can spot an iZombie by the vacant, and vaguely entertained look on their face. This musical cocoon protects them from the assault of panhandlers, people asking directions or the simple pick up line. It's like having an invisible bubble around you 24/7. What's not to love you ask? Well it makes for a pretty antisocial city. Everyone zoned out and incommunicado. No nod of recognition, "excuse me" or the rare congenial smile. I miss the days of human interaction.

Will I give up my iPod to get it back you ask? Well...no, I don't think so.