Happily Ever After

I've been married almost 17 years, and I find myself often wondering, "How do you keep a long-term relationship alive and well?" Women's magazines are no help. They are only interested in the the single girl's quest or the rush of new love. And as Sam Kineson would say, "Mom and Dad were no fucking roadmap". I find the Boomers had two reactions to long term relationships: (1) bolt and live life like a 17-year old, indulging every passion and whim while ignoring your responsibilities; or (2) stay put in a dead marriage and soldier on.

Now I know it's wrong for me to judge from the outside relationships I couldn't possibly understand. But then I'm not the kind of person who could marry for any reason other than love. I was fortunate in my life that I found it myself. I've long been a proponent of "not settling". I tell all my single friends if there's an inkling of doubt, you've got the wrong guy.

I read a recent Italian study which determined that the effects of love, the adrenaline rush, the loss of appetite, the obsession with the other person only lasts 1 year. That's only 365 days! I've known couples who were happily married for 50 years. My grandparents loved each other deeply until my grandmother died. Sadly, they didn't leave any advice. I want to know, what was their secret? How did they manage in the face of all the world throws at us to stay happily cocooned together in their own little world?

How do I get my happily ever after? Any advice out there?

Kong...Is Long

Saw Peter Jackson's King Kong on Christmas Eve, and I have to say that I got more from it than I expected. It's clear that Jackson has a passion for Kong and wanted to make a film every bit as big as the hairy giant himself, and so there are many great things about this movie.

First, the King himself is wonderfully rendered and faithfully animated. He never seems like a human trapped in an ape's body. Kong is an animal, as he should be, with only that small hint of tenderness. Second, Naomi Watts gives a huge, slam-dunk performance as the Fey Wray stand-in, stealing every scene that she's in. Who would have thought that you'd get so many tear-jerking moments from an woman that is almost certainly acting toward a blue-screen. Third, the computer generated depression era New York is a thoroughly believable triumph. Finally, though there are a number of bad aspects to this film--Adrian Brody's phoned in performance; Jack Black's eyebrows, and gratuitously viscous head-eating worms--Kong is pretty good popcorn entertainment.

Now here's the bad: Kong is long. Let me repeat that. King Kong is a bladder clenching 3 hours and 15 minutes long, and this by itself almost ruins the movie. Not that I'm a fan of the cutting room floor, but really Peter...what the hell are you thinking!? 195 minutes without a break. Are you insane? When I got out of my seat, not only did I need to take a major piss (and I had almost nothing to drink), but I could barely walk because both legs had ceased functioning about 40 minutes before the end.

You could have easily cut 45 minutes out of this film without wrecking it, and lets face it, I am willing to put up with 3 hours of your movies but not for any lesser picture than TLotR: The Two Towers. King Kong is good, but not that good.

These are a few of my favorite things - Holiday edition

- Fancy holiday cocktail parties
- Wrapped presents - doesn't matter what's inside, I'm delighted to tear the paper off
- Throaty Diana Krall renditions of holiday carols
- Hot chocolate - Scharfenberger hot chocolate, of course
- The Heat Miser singing & dancing, I wanted to be him as a child
- Brightly colored stockings
- The smell of evergreens
- Snow - we don't get it here in NoCal, but I do still love it so
- Anticipation
- New Year's Eve

Happy holidays everyone!

Sharon Stoned

Is it just me or does Sharon seem to be stoned in every picture published of her these days? I can't quite figure out what's going on. Lack of sleep? Bad plastic surgery? Better living through pharmacology? Mid-life crisis?

Now I know she does a lot of good work, adopts adorable little boys, and generally dresses in a way most of us only dream of. Who else would think to take the tassels off their couch and accessorize a cape? But isn't it a little early to be gearing up for that True Hollywood Story?

Since reemerging into the public eye after that messy Bronstein divorce, Sharon has looked consistently drunk/stoned or both. I find it extremely disconcerting to think that this single mother of two might be on a slippery slope of addiction. Then again, this is Hollywood. Everyone needs a good redemption story, right? Maybe we could hook her up with Colin Farrell. I hear he digs cougars...

Money Quote of the Day

Goes to Shirley MacLaine, who when asked about being an icon replied:

"Oh, hell, they're calling Paris Hilton an icon. It doesn't mean thing to me"

~ Salon.com

For a 3 Hour Tour

What is it about directors that they feel compelled to fill the Multiplex with 3-hour movies? King Kong is just the latest in a long line of bladder clenching films coming to a cinema near you.

I mean really, can't we get an intermission so we can at least have a pee?

I have to prepare for these things like a surgical patient getting ready to enter the hospital. Rules to live by:

(1) No eating or drinking for 3 hours prior to the movie, unless it's a light meal which can be easily digested;

(2) Do not under any circumstances be tempted to purchase a soft drink before going in. You will inevitably be in the middle seat of the middle row of the theatre when a surging need to widdle hits.

(3) Make sure you get a nap;

(4) and, finally pee early and often. Twice before the film is a minimum, and if you can get one in 5 mins. before the curtain goes up, kudos to you!

James Cameron I blame you for this shit. If you had only added an intermission to Titanic, we wouldn't be in this mess!

Colin Farrell in rehab? Shut up!

Don't get me wrong, no one needs it more. This dude apparently lives on beer and ciggys. However, I don't think it's the sauce that got him thrown into rehab...I think it's being caught on film kissing guys.

Judge for yourselves...

Pride & Prejudice

When I heard the BBC was making yet another edition of Pride & Prejudice my reaction was, why bother? It's been done to death. There's the book, the boxed BBC television series, and even a Bollywood version called Bride & Prejudice (which I loved by the way).

However, when a girlfriend came back raving that I "had to see it" with a dreamy look in her eye, frankly my curiosity was peaked. What could they have done so differently to create this reaction? I'd heard it was a down in the muck, closer to the book version of the film in which Kiera Knightley was a grubbier, unkempt (read: real) Lizzy Bennet.

I must say that Kiera Knightley was well chosen for the role. That impish smile and silly giggle serve her well. She's charming, and seems completely natural among the swine and the geese. Maybe it's that she's a Brit, but I think it's something more. There's a radiance there that has absolutely nothing to do with makeup or lighting. She seems lit from within. Lit by love actually.

This movie provides something I haven't seen on screen for a very long time, longing. When Darcy and Lizzy are together there is an almost palpable sense that they can't resist touching each other. I'm mystified by how the actors conveyed this, but I wanted to touch both of them just to form a connection for them.

When Darcy comes striding across the moor at the end of the film, I literally melted into my seat. I haven't cried that much from sheer happiness in a very long time. Bravo Mr. MacFayden, you may not be beautiful, but in my mind at least, you've buried Colin forever!

Must See Holiday Films

1. King Kong - it is the original 800 pound gorilla & Naomi Watts, genius casting
2. Memoirs of a Geisha - lush visuals, tearjerking storyline, no time to read the book
3. Syriana - George Clooney can act?!
4. Brokeback Mountain - Just to see Heath bat for the other team
5. Munich - Two words: Eric Bana, love him

and some might sees...

1. The Matador - I adore Pierce, not sure I'm ready for a speedo & cowboy boots
2. New World - Total hair movie
3. Match Point - Hmmm, love Woody Allen, hate Woody Allen, could go either way
4. The Family Stone - Can SJP play a New Yorker who's not Carrie?
5. The Producers - Will it be better than Broadway, really?

The Marrying Man

So I'm reading all over cyberspace that Brad Pitt has applied to adopt Angelina Jolie's two children, Maddox & Zahara. Now, normally I would just put this down to National Enquirer crap, but this one has a weird ring of truth. I'm not the only one who thinks so either, vaunted new organizations like CNN and the BBC have picked it up.

My take on this is that Brad and Angelina have been secretly married since just after his divorce became final. Remember when they flew off en familie to Arizona for that "spa vacation". Las Vegas stopover maybe?

One has to ask, who would marry this guy? He has questionable personal hygiene, seems to be in the throws of a major midlife crisis, and let's face it - he's been engaged to everyone. Before he married Jennifer Aniston he was a serial proposer. He was engaged to Gwyneth Paltrow, Juliette Lewis, Robin Given, and he lived with some woman for a year or more. This guy is so ripe for commitment he practically has ovaries.

All I can say is good luck Brad. Angelina is only going down the aisle again kicking and screaming. Failed marriage #3 before 40? Too scary!